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It's not a clincher when you say you can't do the bath because you have to take a call from Radio Rockall, on whose drive-time phone-in you're guesting.
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The hardest thing in life is knowing when it's over. Realising that your moment's passed, the mojo's gone, you are now in that terrible zone where the harder you try to make yourself relevant, the more it shows how past it you are.
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The greatest of all drinks, made from angels' tears and tasting of peat, the Islay malt, is a pure, clear beige
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Serious-minded souls would suggest that you'd be better off having a quick Lees-Milne only after three courses of Noam Chomsky or Robert Fisk
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Is his favourite film a) The Dam Busters; b) Elizabeth; or c) any film in which British imperialists get it in the eye?
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Hatred of the Jewish people, which united the likes of Klaus Barbie and Tariq Aziz, hasn't been contained
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Radio 4 is supposed to be soothing.
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Just as we have an inner age, we have an inner nationality. Whatever it says on our passport, most of us may find that we are spiritually something else
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Pretending to be an elf for an afternoon is ludicrous. But for a few spotty years I was that geek
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Chipping Norton is the fear that hits you, on your way to the airport, that you left the cooker on.
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Is it a crime to want the best for your child?
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There are few feuds as destructive as the squabble over a legacy.
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Walking across Trafalgar Square the other day I paused before the statue of General Charles Napier. And I realised where we'd gone wrong as a country.
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Apparently around 20 per cent of voters think that the Government is lying about its contacts with extraterrestrial life. All I can ask is, why so few?
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What is the last safe prejudice? Against what, or whom, is it still reasonable to harbour an irrational dislike?
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Easter comes early this year, which means that the period between the end of the January detox and the start of Lenten abstinence is terrifyingly brief.
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I suppose I’d better call it Young Syndrome.
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I have succumbed. Given in. Surrendered.
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Great schools and inspirational teachers transformed my life. Both my parents had to leave school at the earliest possible date to enter the world of work. But they both believed in the power of education to transform lives for the better and they made sacrifices to ensure I had the chances they never enjoyed.
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This is the time of year when strange things happen to your fridge.
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